Expressively Candid
My insight on how I see things.I find myself liking someone. Yes.. definitely a shallow thing at first. But I like his actual persona as I get to know him.
I am just terrible at approaching relationships. I don’t take them lightly. I don’t date often. I’m easily scared. I wish I weren’t so awkward at this stuff. Starting a new relationship can be challenging of course. I am guilty. I imagine the person in their previous relationships. The heartfelt emotions they must have had at some point. The experiences, firsts.. then the things that lead to the downfall. I know. I’ve had the moments too. Nice.. heartbreaking… emotional. I can’t get over that point. The point of being new to the person. Butting into their lives, meeting their friends since childhood. I feel intrusive. Then I remember how I am very prudish in physical matters. All in all, I feel selfish. Then that makes me fickle. It makes me unable to move on and do something about my crushes. So I give up.
I don’t want to give up. I’m going to try to be less self aware. I hope I do well. Like I said…. I like this boy.
(by cosestesse)
I’ve told people I am lethargic
I told them that when I hit a certain age, I want to use my medical knowledge and kill myself so that I don’t have to drag out my life any longer. They call me selfish. Why is it so selfish? I cannot understand. It might give them heartache. I don’t think that’s enough for them to claim it as a selfish act. I wouldn’t be doing it for attention. I would be cutting back on the years I’ll wait until my inevitable death. We’re all going to die, we’re all going to mourn over loved ones. What difference would it make if I were to leave earlier than expected? Its a choice. For some reason, people no longer accept the freedom to choose. Is everyone supposed to agree on everything? I acknowledge that I may come to change my mind…. So at least let me have the choice to go on with my idea.
My morning latte
Topic 1:
I really hate myself sometimes. I am not as uninhibited as I would like to be. I don’t speak loud enough, I don’t express myself confidently. More or less… I’m not hire worthy. I’ve gone to at least 5 job interviews (my first job interviews ever) in the past 3 months. I have not been hired by any. Their excuses stemmed from I don’t speak loud enough to I don’t look like I’d take a joke (really??). I’ve tried so hard to do well. I’ve practiced. I’ve tried to be calm, raise my voice. I even asked them to overlook those points and my lack of experience. That I am quite capable. I’m a level minded, intelligent individual. I’ve seen the people they hire at some retail stores. They hardly give notice, text, answer rudely, or seem off putting. Still, somehow they are chosen, probably due to their loud mouths that really are of no use. Isn’t it more important to be friendly, attentive, and interested over a towering presence? It’s not as if I’d ever want to be a manager. I just want to follow orders… and do them well. Until I have to quit and find a job in what I major in. Why can’t I catch a break? Because of it, I was unable to sign up as a full time student. I have one class this semesters. One lousy class… which I could barely afford. I refuse to have my wonderful retired parents paying for everything until the end of their lives. I don’t want to continue being spoiled…..
I’ve decided to REALLY return to this tumblr
Not because I miss posting stuff, lol. I don’t feel like my other tumblr properly expresses my feelings. I think I made a mistake in allowing people I know to follow me. Because of that I don’t feel like I can write to a full extent. I don’t feel comfortable. So here I am. To complain, feel sad, and yes, post images.
© YSKA Photography
Is there anything better than staying in?
Nope. Feels good. Being away from noise, crowded places because of the holiday, and taking a break from people…. gives me a happy feeling. Sheldon only needs 5 friends. I’m following suit.
